In his new book “Gunslinger,” author Jeff Pearlman recounts behavior by Brett Favre's father Irvin which, by today's standards, would certainly be considered criminal child abuse. I discussed this on my radio show Tuesday. I then received this response to that discussion from a listener. After I read it on the air Wednesday I received a request to post it. Here it is:
Dear Jerry,
I was so pissed off listening to your topic today that I NEARLY called in.
When a parent violently punishes their child out of anger, it is ALL about the parent…not particularly about what the child did.
Allow me to give some perspective on my view point. I was an abused kid. My mother lost custody of me when I was 13 as well as, my older sister because of my mother's enraged outbursts.
Just because folks from another generation have different ideas about the corporal punishment of their children doesn't make it any less abusive. Let me be clear – I spanked my own kids…when they were too young to understand reason. If they ran out into the street as toddlers, you can be sure they got their bottoms warmed. It was a reminder that may have saved their lives.
However, once a child is old enough to clearly understand and have the maturity and self-control to choose between right and wrong, there are more appropriate methods of discipline. To do otherwise is selfish and demeaning to the child.
I don't doubt that Brett Favre or you for that mater, love your father. What I DO believe is that their corporal punishment came from a place of their own desire to see you achieve and represent THEM in a certain way. When you found your daughters behaving in a way that embarrased you, or that could have threatened their future, did you take a belt to their backside behind the woodshed?! I'm guessing not. Why? Because that kind of rage has no place in the hands of a parent who is striving to groom their child to be ALL that they can be. To do otherwise is all about “performance”.
When I heard a caller comment that Favre's beatings taught him how to take a pounding on the field I nearly lost my shit. REALLY?! I would take a loved and APPROPRIATELY disciplined “nobody” Brett over the abused one, on any given Sunday. And who's to say he wouldn't have been great anyway?? Maybe even greater. I believe he excelled DESPITE his father's abuse – not because of it. To give ANY credit for Brett's achievements to his father's abusive behavior is despicable, and undermines Brett's God given abilities.
And how did his father's treatment affect the way he handled his personal life? Who cares about that? I can bet his wife and kids do. But just as long as we have our champion. Let's get over ourselves already.
This kind of rhetoric makes it all the more difficult for those who are abused to be believed and get the support and help they so desperately need.
Respectfully,
